Reclaim yourself after abuse

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You know what, no one wants to be a victim. Sometimes coaches make a big deal of not being a victim, but so far I’ve never met a single victim who wanted to be a victim. On the contrary. No one wants to be powerless, exposed and without voice. Nobody wants to be seen as weak before others. Children exposed to sexual assault usually take their own guilt and protect the perpetrator. Adults who are abused and raped in close relationships carry the shame in silence. There is one “win” to take on the guilt itself and that is, if it is my fault that I am exposed, I am not a victim. Then I have some power and control and do not have to face the incredible painful truth. So the one thing to do is to take into account the horrible truth that you actually were a victim of crime in that situation. That does not mean you are a weak person. It does not define you as a human being in any way. Somebody hurt you. Probably someone you loved and trusted. It was terribly wrong!

What it’s all about is that we should not live in the “victim role” for the rest of our lives. You need to process the consequences of the abuse and by receiving help you take responsibility for your life. It is when we stop taking responsibility for our lives, feeling sorry for ourselves and playing ”the victim game” that we live in the “victim role”. If you deal with the fact that you became a victim of abuse, you eliminates the risk of living the “victim role”. The insight that a crime has been committed is also needed to make an assessment whether or not to make a police report. If at this time you are exposed to sexual abuse /domestic violent, you must find the courage to tell someone and ask for help. You should NOT have any abuse in your life!

My experience is that it is primarily people who do not have any major trauma behind themselves who put the ”victim cardigan” on themselves, blame their shortcomings on others and feel terribly sorry for themselves. Then it’s time to put things in their correct perspective because the itchy ”victim cardigan” makes no one happy. But to those who have been/are victims of sexual abuse/violence, take your voice back and put words on what has happened! Put the blame and shame where it belongs! You should not wear it anymore. Standing for the truth and telling what you’ve been exposed to is so far from victim roles you can come, it’s on the contrary to really take responsibility for your life. Speaking your truth may even mean being part of a political force to end all abuse and all violence. Sometimes I feel that when we encouraged people to “stop being victims” it is just another way to silence victims. If no one is a victim, there are no victims and then we do not have to do anything about the problem at a structural level. Then it becomes the individual’s own responsibility only to resolve the huge problem of abuse. Under #metoo, #allavi etc. many shared their experiences and thanks to the internet it became visible in a way that had not been possible before. It showed the power of telling the truth that we are many who have been abused from all social classes and all over the world. We are many victims and it is time for the world to wake up and put an end to it. So first step of healing and not playing the victim is to be aware of when you were a victim for real and when you are no victim at all. You must not tell the entire world what you have been trough, but you must be true to yourself.

Reclaim yourself at every level!
Love//Jenny

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